Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
