Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
