I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
