I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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