Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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