Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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