nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
