You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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