Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I skipped work to stalk him.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
