Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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