wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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