Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
