Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
