hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
