YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
