I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
