yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
