are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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