Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
