dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
