I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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