Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
