Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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