Where is the hickey?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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