I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
