Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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