I'm jealous of your bromance
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
