i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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