so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
