there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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