We're like a lot better than the average bears
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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