I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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