New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
