My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
