she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
