You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
