Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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