I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
