Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
