i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
