he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
