At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
