About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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