The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
