I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
