I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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