Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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