Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
