who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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