i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
