just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
