either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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