my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
