R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
