I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
